Culture - What's Right?

To see men holding hands is a common sight in Abu Dhabi. But this is not Vancouver, or Brighton; here it’s strictly a sign of friendship. Not acceptable between men and women though: when we first arrived, Carol and I walked through Abu Dhabi, holding hands to be greeted with car horns and faint hissing noises…

All forms of intimacy in public are frowned upon; no kiss goodbye as you drop your spouse at the mall – in fact malls have signs at their entrance banning certain behaviour within, including inappropriate dress and public displays of intimacy. So, my patting Carol’s behind is a definite no-no. But, it’s hard getting out of the hand-holding habit.

You rarely see local couples together, except perhaps at the beach so, I guess the signs are aimed more at expats…

In fact men and women don’t interact that much. At social events for men and women, the men sit at one end and the women at the other…

Company event - men's end

And this is not the only trouble I’ve had with hands. Muslims don’t use their left hand to eat with, considering it to be unclean. Most often they eat with their right hand; in restaurants though they use a knife and fork except they reverse their utensils, knife in left hand, fork in right. I was brought up in the UK where we eat on the left side; North Americans cut their food up first then switch their fork to the right hand to eat. I’m trying to reverse but it’s hard, particularly because I’m left-handed – I’ve always eaten on the left, on both sides of the Atlantic.

The rules at the mall go beyond intimacy to define dress code. In fairness, all local men and women cover their hair, arms and legs; only exposing their face, hands and toes and sometimes not even that... So to not expose flesh seems reasonable – not everyone thinks so though but their transgressions are largely tolerated. Although, recently a friend tried to go and see the Emirates Palace with a visitor, a twenty something lad in shorts; Security wouldn’t allow them to even enter the grounds – “No shorts, ma’am.”

Emirates Palace Entrance, or not!

One thing that is not tolerated, and this is something to remember, is the use of gestures. The trading of finger-signs between friendly combatants on the road, we’re so used to in the West, is an arrestable offence here. There are many instances of expats sentenced to jail time for the use of a digit or two in response to the aggressive driving here and there’s no shortage of opportunity...

In fact, pointing at any time is considered ill mannered (the words of my mother, when I was small: ‘Don’t point Robert,’ ring in my ears as I write this). Often you’ll see men standing beside the road looking for a lift; they give you a hopeful look and occasionally make a vague sweeping motion with their hand in the general direction they desire; but no fingers or thumbs.

Rosebowl - Qasr Al Sarab lobby

Finally, a social rule that initially catches all of us, the polite order of precedence, most noticeable when entering or leaving a building; I was new in town and in an elevator with a naval officer who was standing on my left. The doors opened: ‘After you,’ I said.

“No, after you.”

‘No, please.’ But he wouldn’t move, so I exited. As I passed him he spoke, almost under his breath: “In our culture, the person on the right always goes first.”

It was then that I noticed people reposition themselves as they approached a door in order to demonstrate respect for the people to their right.

On the Move - Al Dhafra Festival - Madinat Zayed