Khalid Seeks a Wife

Khalid is looking for a wife. I find this out when I ask him if he has his own place, only to uncover a world with echoes of Jane Austen…

“Why would I have my own place while I’m still single? Here, we live with our parents until we get married.”

What age do guys get married, then?

“Twenty eight.”

And how old are you?

“… Twenty eight.”

Ah. So, you’re under some pressure…
Actually, he was joking with me: guys usually get married between 22 and 30 years old here.

Do you have a girlfriend, at least, I ask. 
“We don’t have girlfriends.” 
And, it’s not easy to meet girls; single men and women don’t mix socially. Even our lunch cafeteria has a separate table for women-only. Although, due to the mix of cultures, foreign travel, and Western influence in UAE, a lot of men do have relationships with women, Emirati and non-local, but in secret.

So, how do you meet girls?

“You get your female relatives to look for you. My sisters are out there, although I don’t trust all of them to pick wisely. There have been a couple of girls I've seen that I liked: I found out their names and got one of my sisters to research: 'Typical for you Khalid; you picked married ones,' she said.”

Can’t you use Facebook?

“Well women don’t post their picture on Facebook in our society, so it’s not a lot of help.”

Often, one of his sisters will invite a girl for coffee in a local mall and Khalid will go there covertly so that he can at least take a look at her. Some mothers are on the look out for schemes like this though, and won't allow it. In order to meet her and have a discussion, he may have to get engaged.

Dubai Mall 'Diving Men' Sculpture

‘My sister has found someone that sounds really good,’ he said to me one day; she may be the one. She is taking her to the mall on Saturday afternoon.”

But, when I saw him the following Sunday, he looked unhappy: “Another of my sisters showed up as well and she brought her two young children with her. They spotted me immediately and ran up; “Uncle Khalid, Uncle Khalid.” My cover was blown.

This is not an arranged marriage. Neither party is forced to tie the knot. Sometimes they have quite a long engagement, as they get to know each other, before making the decision to marry. It’s the initial meeting that seems difficult.

A couple of weeks ago Khalid was going to a wedding. Now there’s a perfect opportunity for you to meet girls, I said, as we shared lunch. But no; men go to a wedding feast, …just for men. 

At the end of the evening, most of the men leave; then, the groom’s immediate family (father & brothers usually) take the groom to the women’s wedding, place him on a throne next to his bride, and leave him there…

"My sisters are starting to despair of me; I haven't liked any of the girls they've found - they're beginning to think I don't want to get married..."

Link: Girls_of_Riyadh  is a book about looking for a husband in Saudi Arabia. It relates the trials of engagements and marriages, from a women's point of view. UAE is not Saudi, but there are similarities. Worth a read.